i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
