another moral hangover. fuck.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
