I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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