In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
