I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
