Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
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