How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
