I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
