Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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