They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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