when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The adults are the big ones right?
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