mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
