I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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