And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
