peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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