Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
50% drunk capacity currently
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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