so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
