I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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