oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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