if you like me you must not know who I am
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
