I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
