i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
