So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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