I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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