the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
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