just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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