I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
