Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
