I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Randomize
