well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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