I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
