omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
