you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
