I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
