walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
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