I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
