I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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