Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize