I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
