jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
