She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize
