bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize