Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My bed smells like the plague
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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