And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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