I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
