dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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