still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
