dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
