If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
