Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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