there was a trapeze. enough said
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Shitshow foam night was such a success
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
