24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
