I think my vagina is haunted
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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