just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
It's like God shit irony all over that family
there was a trapeze. enough said
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
