Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
