mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
