I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
