My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize