Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
