so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
