8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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