he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
