Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
