whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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