I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
As shirtless as possible
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
