If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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