oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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