Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
