Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
