I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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