Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
