i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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